Consciously, we all set out to serve our families or friends with the best of intentions. But for many of us, somewhere and somehow the energy shifts. It begins with the energy of loving generosity but eventually can become an egoic need. Stick with me here and I’ll explain.
Go back in time, just imagine when you were a first time mom and your baby showed a preference for you. Wasn’t that an awesome feeling? I remember it well too, with all of my babies. Because I was the primary caregiver, my children wanted my attention the most. It feels really good to be needed. For many of us, that was our first experience of really feeling important or significant.
If you’re not a mom but you’re a career woman, you can go back in time and recall the first time when your co-workers or even boss couldn’t do something without you. Maybe they had to call you on vacation or in the middle of the night to find out something only you knew. Remember how great that felt (although annoying)? They needed YOU!
Feeling needed is an important part of our lives. We like to feel needed. It gives us a sense of purpose which is necessary for our overall happiness and fulfillment. But it can shift into being less about love and purpose and more about validating ourselves. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a mom, working woman, or both. When service becomes about validating you(all self-sacrifice is, because we can serve without sacrifice) everyone is losing, even those you believe you are sacrificing for.
We can become so dependent on the validation that we receive from others needing us, that we sacrifice ourselves in order to get that approval fix. We will allow our bosses, co-workers and especially our family to monopolize our time and energy, simply because part of us has become addicted to them needing us. We begin to believe that only we can do the task “right”. This belief makes victims out of us and them!
It’s a lose/lose situation. You lose your self…literally. You don’t have the time, freedom, or the energy to allow joy, fun or fulfillment in your life. You must make yourself available for everyone. Because only YOU can do it right. That leaves no break for you. You can’t be away from the family for long…because who knows what will happen or the mess you will come home to. I know you’ve said those words before, because I have too.
But your children lose BIG time, because they lose the opportunities to build confidence in their ability to do for themselves. They also lose the opportunity to build a sense of independence because you are always there for them. They lose the ability to know that they are responsible for their happiness…not you. Your need to be needed actually makes them need you. And fair warning…when you teach them to need you, they don’t suddenly stop needing you when they turn 18 or 21 or even 25. It’s a very unhealthy situation for the entire family.
For the working woman who sacrifices for her boss and her co-workers, everyone can sense your insecurities and you will eventually be replaced by someone who knows her worth. Most places want employees who are smart and confident…not just a push over. When you know your worth, you will express that worth in the workplace. You will produce bigger and better. You won’t have to sacrifice yourself to be noticed.
When we tell ourselves that we must sacrifice ourselves for our jobs or our family so they will be happy, we are lying. The truth is our self-sacrifice is more about OUR need to be validated and approved of by others. We have been told for eons just how noble it is to be self-less and generous to no end. It’s a lie that we will continue to perpetuate until we stop the sacrifice. I invite you to stop giving yourself away to be loved and accepted. Your love and acceptance begins within you.
When you give from a place of self-love and self-acceptance you model that for your children and they will be able to love and accept themselves, giving them a powerful foundation from which to be the best they can be. Otherwise you are crippling them making them need approval from others.
Coming from self-love and self-acceptance in the workplace will make you stand out as most people do not really love and accept themselves. Business is changing and manipulation doesn’t work the way it used to. Authentically caring about your clients, co-workers and boss is the only way to succeed. This is only possible if you have a foundation of self-love and self-acceptance.
Today, begin loving and accepting yourself as you are right now!
Work with Me!
Do you over sacrifice? Are you a people pleaser?
Let now be the time you Rise! and Thrive!
Release the beliefs that keep you playing small!