Self-love is still very confusing to many people.  People fear loving and valuing themselves for fear that they will be seen as selfish, self-absorbed or conceited or as a bitch.  This could not be further from the truth.  All of the above are a result of a lack of love and fear of not getting our needs met.  The more you love yourself the more you are able to love others.

I have stated before, the level to which you love yourself is the level to which you can love others.  Until you fully love yourself you are short changing every relationship in your life.  EVERY relationship!

I’ve heard people say that they love themselves but they don’t have a strong sense of self-worth.  That’s impossible.  As you love yourself you recognize yourself as worthy.  As you love yourself your confidence rises, your self-esteem improves, your self-compassion increases and self-care becomes a priority.

But how can you really know if you love yourself or not?  Well there are 3 tell-tale signs that you don’t love yourself.  Today we will discuss the first one.

But before we begin, I want you to NOT use this information as a reason to beat yourself up.  Self-awareness is the key to transformation.  We often hide from our truth because we punish ourselves for it.  The first step to loving yourself is accepting where you are.

OK, with that said let’s go.  The first powerful sign that you do not fully and completely love yourself:


Do you find yourself judging or condemning others for their behaviors or decisions?

If so, this is a sure sign that you are harboring guilt.  Guilt is emotional poison.  You absolutely cannot love yourself and feel guilty at the same time.  Guilt feels so terrible that we, at all costs, try to hide it from ourselves.  But it shows up as judgment which is the projection of our guilt onto others.  We think we feel better when we judge another.  But your brain doesn’t recognize the difference between judging another or yourself.  Nor does it know the difference between loving another or yourself.

Guilt seeks punishment. That’s where self-sabotage comes in.

When you find yourself judging or condemning other person ask yourself, “what is it that I feel guilty about?”   Journal about it.  Allow all thoughts to come flowing out onto the pages.  Don’t judge what comes up.  You may become emotional and that’s OK too.  Allow yourself to have the experience…free of judgment.

Your guilt doesn’t have to have anything to do with what you judge and condemn.  Or it may have something to do with it.  It doesn’t really matter.

When you can be compassionate with yourself for your decisions and your actions you can extend the same to others.  When you are not extending it to others, then that’s a true sign that you have not extended it to yourself.

Let yourself off the hook for EVERYTHING in the past.  You have always done the best you could at the time.  Everyone is always doing the best they can.  The only thing you needed then and need now is unconditional love and the freedom to be authentically you.  That’s all anybody needs ALL of the time.

The best way to let yourself off  the hook is to release the guilt with EFT.  I’ve seen it work wonders with guilt.  Love yourself just enough to start tapping today.  Self-love coaching can help you to recognize your hidden guilt and release it more quickly.  Make your summer love Self-Love!

Tune in next week for the second tell-tale sign that you’re not quite loving yourself.