Self-esteem and self-love are two names to call the same concept. And they are incredibly important to a healthy and joyful life. Unfortunately, I still hear self-love and high self-esteem getting a bad-wrap. Too many people still confuse conceit with self-love and self-esteem. Donald Trump is NOT the product of self-love or a high self-esteem. Quite the opposite actually.
Trump is a perfect example of self-loathing trying to hide. Unfortunately, many people think that is what self-love turns into…boasting, bragging, and insulting.
Self-love is just the opposite. Self-love is not boastful. Self-love can be confidently vocal and unafraid to be seen and heard. Self-love seeks to support and uplift others. Self-love is self-acceptance. Self-love knows we have a “dark” side and loves it as unconditionally as our “light” side. Self-love understands that it takes both sides of us to make us whole. When we recognize our wholeness we are freed from seeking it outside of ourselves. Self-love understands that we ARE whole and that nobody can make us whole.
There is a core strength that we feel when our self-esteem is high that is difficult to describe. It seems to arise from the solar plexus up through the heart chakra and above effecting our posture and our stride. It cannot be feigned, you either feel it or you don’t.
I know you’ve heard it before, but I repeat it here because it’s absolutely true…when you deeply and completely love and accept yourself the love you feel for others is exponentially multiplied, in fact, your love for everything… life, nature, animals, your own pets is magnified. Joy blossoms from self-love.
There are three powerful tools that you can begin using today to begin increasing your self-esteem/self-love.
First, Journal. Many people tend to resist this. They say, “I don’t know what to write.” This is often code for: “I don’t want to sound stupid” or “What I have to say doesn’t matter”. Which are both indications of low self-esteem. We all need to be heard and many times our complaint is that “nobody listens to us”. Journaling is YOU listening to YOU. You acknowledge that you are worthy of being hear, that your words, thoughts, opinions and ideas matter.
Don’t go for perfection. Just write. If you can’t be imperfect with you then who can you be imperfect with? Self-esteem comes from you giving yourself permission to be you. Perfectionism comes from the fear that your imperfections make you unlovable. It’s simply not true.
Secondly, let go of the past. Your self-esteem can not be increased until you let go of your past. Our self-esteem is formed by our past experiences, most, if not all of the experiences occurred before we were seven years old. What you believe about yourself NOW was formed as a very, very young child. You formed those beliefs based on how the authority figures in your life treated you. Most of us learned that we are not loveable. And ever since, we have been making up for that. But the truth is that our level of lovability has and had nothing to do with other people’s ability to love us.
The most powerful way to begin to let go of the past is with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping). You can release the emotions around being rejected in the past. It’s important that you do so because these experiences became burned into your subconscious mind at a young age and EFT changes your subconscious.
And finally, change your self-talk. Most of the time we are incredibly critical of ourselves and almost always unconsciously. We tend to call ourselves stupid, lazy, unmotivated etc. Notice what you are continuously saying to yourself and stop. Reframe your statements to something positive. Begin to affirm that you say the perfect thing at the perfect time, or that you always know what to do and what decision to make, or that I AM smart and Divinely guided. “I AM” are powerful words and whatever follows them becomes your truth.
Self-love can be learned, self-esteem can be nurtured and self-confidence follows. After 15 years of working with individuals to heal their self-esteem and guide them into a loving relationship with the Self, I have developed a comprehensive program that takes you through Letting Go of the Past, Defining your Loveable Self, and Tapping into your Infinite Intuitive Wisdom. If you are interested in learning more about how this program can transform your life contact me at TheCoachapist@gmail.com.
I invite you to share your thoughts and insights in the comment section below.
I remember a while back when you suggested journaling…my resistance was very high. Since I found that app “Notebook” where I can talk to text rather than writing I am more apt to take down some thoughts. It even seems like a form of prayer (which I think of as communication not pleading or asking for changes in “form”) So when I recognize that I am not at peace or if a new insight emerges I might just journal about that 🙂 It is a new practice for me and not an everyday thing but something I see as valuable – thank you!
That’s great Beverly. I like the way you found a way to make it work for you. I love journaling insights because we so often forget them…then when we’re down we often feel disconnected from spirit. When we journal our insights it can make us feel connected and supported again. It works for me anyway.