You would be amazed by how many women I work with that at a cognitive level want to love themselves, yet at a deeper level they are terrified by it.
What is there to be terrified of? You might ask.
They worry about how their relationships will change. Women worry most that if they love themselves they will lose the love of their girlfriends, their spouse and even their children. The very fact that they have this fear is proof of the “I must EARN my love” belief. The truth is that we are all born worthy of love, yet through the messaging that we receive as children we learn that we must do something in order to be loved. This is much more prevalent for girls than boys. Girls are more often shamed when they have “negative” behavior, yet a boys identical behavior will be accepted with the “boys will be boys” mantra.
Women internalize this shame and become people pleasers and feel responsible for everyone’s happiness. We learn early on that we MUST choose between our happiness and the happiness of EVERYONE else. And to choose our own happiness would make us a selfish witch.
So, should you feel terrified by the idea of loving yourself, know that you have every right and reason to feel that fear. But you don’t have to feel it. Also, know that you will more than likely (unless you live with saints) experience some “push-back” from your friends and loved ones as you begin to truly fall in love with yourself.
Yes, they like that they can walk on you. They like that they can count on you do everything they want you to do…at the drop of a hat. They are not going to like it when you begin to set boundaries or saying no. But, as I tell all of my clients, “what blesses you blesses them”. Having a wife, mother, friend who has learned to put herself first is a priceless asset.
Yes, you will lose some relationships. Those that can’t grow with you will be replaced by those that can and who unconditionally love the powerful, vibrant, energized, driven and inspired woman you have become.
I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was excited to have a new baby but terrified to have a toddler. Soon, I learned that as my baby grew into her new stages, I grew with her. And as you gradually learn to love yourself you will gradually out-grow your current circumstances. No longer will you fear the changes in your relationships, you will crave them. Some relationships will indeed crumble, but others will flourish in ways you never imagined. The love you now imagine you have from others will be multiplied beyond your wildest dreams.
But first you have to give up the idea that you are unworthy.
Work with me!
Do you want to finally and completely release those unconscious beliefs that keep you from living the life that you love?
Come Rise! and Thrive! with me. A 4-month program designed to release the unconscious beliefs that keep you playing small. Only $1400 for this week only!
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Michelle Lee, CH